Wisdom is an equal measure of experience plus reflection.
— Aristotle
I think the key to this is knowing what you deserve. and sadly, that isn’t always easy. how do we know what we deserve after years living in less? we spent so much time talking ourselves out of our dreams... unlearning what we really want out of life - how do we relearn it? I guess the answer is to let go. let go of the idea that you are not worthy to receive everything you want. let go of the guilt we have entangled with putting ourselves first. let go of the boxes people put you in and the ceiling you place above your own head. realize there is always more... you are more; and you deserve more. there is no guilt in that... no shame in it. but on the flip side we have to remain grateful for where we are, what we have, and who we are. these two concepts seem to be contradictory... but they’re not. there is an intersection. and it’s a delicate balance... one that lies in the realization that life is a process. WE are in process. every step is necessary. every step has meaning. and every step propels us forward... even when the step is backwards. trust - and enjoy- the process. and always, always, always keep stepping. never settle.

I think the key to this is knowing what you deserve. and sadly, that isn’t always easy. how do we know what we deserve after years living in less? we spent so much time talking ourselves out of our dreams... unlearning what we really want out of life - how do we relearn it? I guess the answer is to let go. let go of the idea that you are not worthy to receive everything you want. let go of the guilt we have entangled with putting ourselves first. let go of the boxes people put you in and the ceiling you place above your own head. realize there is always more... you are more; and you deserve more. there is no guilt in that... no shame in it.
but on the flip side we have to remain grateful for where we are, what we have, and who we are. these two concepts seem to be contradictory... but they’re not. there is an intersection. and it’s a delicate balance... one that lies in the realization that life is a process. WE are in process. every step is necessary. every step has meaning. and every step propels us forward... even when the step is backwards. trust - and enjoy- the process.
and always, always, always keep stepping. never settle.

it’s surprising to me how much we don’t actually support each other. I mean, we think we do - but it’s only in ways that align with what we think is possible for someone. but thinking something ISN’T possible for someone isn’t exactly support. as children, we are told, “reach for the stars,” “you can do anything you want to do,” “the world is yours.” but then at some point, those words of encouragement are reigned in... they become smaller. we are told certain heights are impossible so to reach lower, to do what we have to do not what we want to do, and that the world is against us. why do we do that to each other? is it fear that if someone else reaches the stars, we will be reminded that we are still on the ground? I hope not. I hope the intention is more loving than that... more a desire to protect one another. but by trying to protect, are we really just holding each other back from reaching our highest point? maybe the best support is the kind that truly lifts us up... past all the supposedly possible, realistic, and attainable... all the way up to the stars. because support should never keep us on the ground.

it’s surprising to me how much we don’t actually support each other. I mean, we think we do - but it’s only in ways that align with what we think is possible for someone. but thinking something ISN’T possible for someone isn’t exactly support. as children, we are told, “reach for the stars,” “you can do anything you want to do,” “the world is yours.” but then at some point, those words of encouragement are reigned in... they become smaller. we are told certain heights are impossible so to reach lower, to do what we have to do not what we want to do, and that the world is against us. why do we do that to each other? is it fear that if someone else reaches the stars, we will be reminded that we are still on the ground? I hope not. I hope the intention is more loving than that... more a desire to protect one another. but by trying to protect, are we really just holding each other back from reaching our highest point? maybe the best support is the kind that truly lifts us up... past all the supposedly possible, realistic, and attainable... all the way up to the stars. because support should never keep us on the ground.

The path isn’t a straight line; it’s a spiral.
You continually come back to things you
thought you understood and see deeper truths
— Barry H. Gillespie
I recently read about a quantum physics study that proved once two particles have interacted and affected the spin of each other (aka entanglement), they can never be untangled. they are forever connected on some level. no matter how far apart they are separated, the spin of one will always affect the spin of the other. (pretty mind blowing stuff.)  immediately I thought of love. when you love someone, they affect your spin - touching your soul and altering your heart. to say you’re entangled is an understatement.  I’ve always believed that some loves are meant to last forever while others are destined to reach a breaking point. but according to this principle, there is no real breaking point - you stay forever entangled. time and distance may bring you apart, but the connection holds. failed love can be so painful and so confusing... we spend hours upon hours, conversations after conversations, and drinks on drinks trying to figure out why things ended. I find comfort in knowing maybe there is no real end. maybe you lose the person, the relationship, and all the parts that didn’t work... but the one thing that did work - the love - survives. it is comforting to know that all love - even failed love - matters. because it is connection. once love exists - real love and real connection - you are forever linked. like your souls are tied together. the string may be long and frayed... but it holds on. this concept finally gives me an answer to the question posed in my first blog (let it burn) - when a relationship ends, where does the love go?  maybe it stays... fading into the background, no longer wrapping your awareness or pulling at your heart... but forever a fabric of your life.

I recently read about a quantum physics study that proved once two particles have interacted and affected the spin of each other (aka entanglement), they can never be untangled. they are forever connected on some level. no matter how far apart they are separated, the spin of one will always affect the spin of the other. (pretty mind blowing stuff.)
immediately I thought of love. when you love someone, they affect your spin - touching your soul and altering your heart. to say you’re entangled is an understatement.
I’ve always believed that some loves are meant to last forever while others are destined to reach a breaking point. but according to this principle, there is no real breaking point - you stay forever entangled. time and distance may bring you apart, but the connection holds.
failed love can be so painful and so confusing... we spend hours upon hours, conversations after conversations, and drinks on drinks trying to figure out why things ended. I find comfort in knowing maybe there is no real end. maybe you lose the person, the relationship, and all the parts that didn’t work... but the one thing that did work - the love - survives. it is comforting to know that all love - even failed love - matters. because it is connection. once love exists - real love and real connection - you are forever linked. like your souls are tied together. the string may be long and frayed... but it holds on.
this concept finally gives me an answer to the question posed in my first blog (let it burn) - when a relationship ends, where does the love go?
maybe it stays... fading into the background, no longer wrapping your awareness or pulling at your heart... but forever a fabric of your life.

see more of my sunrise musings and follow my journey on my Instagram @kaciemain_writes

I became a big fan of psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Rick Hanson when he blew my mind in an interview stating that “our brains are wired for negativity.” He continued that “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” He went on to explain the reasons and science behind this… all while I sat there stunned, thinking about how much sense that makes. If you really start to pay attention to your thoughts, you’ll see how true this negativity bias is. I rarely catch myself complimenting myself and telling myself how capable I am of doing things I want to do. No. Instead I catch myself picking out my every flaw, pointing out why things will be difficult, and harping on what could potentially go wrong. Now I understand that’s just our brain’s default setting. But here’s the good news – we can change the setting. That whole “neurons that fire together wire together” thing. I’m not sure we can completely remove the negative thoughts… and we certainly can’t avoid all negative experiences… but we can even the playing field. If we intentionally (key word INTENTIONALLY) choose to live longer in our positive thoughts and emotions, and let go quicker our negative ones, we can literally change our brain. Rewire it to rewind the bias. And since we are essentially perceiving our entire experience – our entire life – through our senses, which is then interpreted by our brain… if we change our brain, we change our life. So start paying attention to your thoughts. Notice the negative ones. But play in the positive ones.

I became a big fan of psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Rick Hanson when he blew my mind in an interview stating that “our brains are wired for negativity.” He continued that “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” He went on to explain the reasons and science behind this… all while I sat there stunned, thinking about how much sense that makes. If you really start to pay attention to your thoughts, you’ll see how true this negativity bias is. I rarely catch myself complimenting myself and telling myself how capable I am of doing things I want to do. No. Instead I catch myself picking out my every flaw, pointing out why things will be difficult, and harping on what could potentially go wrong. Now I understand that’s just our brain’s default setting. But here’s the good news – we can change the setting. That whole “neurons that fire together wire together” thing. I’m not sure we can completely remove the negative thoughts… and we certainly can’t avoid all negative experiences… but we can even the playing field. If we intentionally (key word INTENTIONALLY) choose to live longer in our positive thoughts and emotions, and let go quicker our negative ones, we can literally change our brain. Rewire it to rewind the bias. And since we are essentially perceiving our entire experience – our entire life – through our senses, which is then interpreted by our brain… if we change our brain, we change our life. So start paying attention to your thoughts. Notice the negative ones. But play in the positive ones.

Many, many years ago I came across a quote in a magazine, cut it out and placed it on my mirror to remind me every day that “you cannot control the things that happen to you, but you can control your reaction.” While the quote sat right in front of my face for more than a decade, I failed to really grasp this concept until about a year ago. And even once you fully understand it, it’s still difficult to remember day in and day out. But I think this seemingly simple concept holds the key to real happiness... because our life is not defined by our experiences. Things will happen to us, things will happen around us... we will do things to others and we will do things to ourselves... but beneath those things, behind those things, and within those things is where we truly live. We are the intention behind every action and reaction. We are how we choose to view the world. We are how we see others and how we see ourselves. And these things - our experiences - always exist to teach us... how to cope, how to be patient, how to accept, and how to love - both ourself and others. They show us where we are and where we need to go. We cannot always control them... but we can always, always control what we do with them.

Many, many years ago I came across a quote in a magazine, cut it out and placed it on my mirror to remind me every day that “you cannot control the things that happen to you, but you can control your reaction.” While the quote sat right in front of my face for more than a decade, I failed to really grasp this concept until about a year ago. And even once you fully understand it, it’s still difficult to remember day in and day out. But I think this seemingly simple concept holds the key to real happiness... because our life is not defined by our experiences. Things will happen to us, things will happen around us... we will do things to others and we will do things to ourselves... but beneath those things, behind those things, and within those things is where we truly live. We are the intention behind every action and reaction. We are how we choose to view the world. We are how we see others and how we see ourselves. And these things - our experiences - always exist to teach us... how to cope, how to be patient, how to accept, and how to love - both ourself and others. They show us where we are and where we need to go. We cannot always control them... but we can always, always control what we do with them.